We tend to go through life evaluating ourselves and others according to a scale of worth. The concept of self-esteem is the amount of value that we consider we are worth. These values vary from person to person. Whilst we might rate ourselves as being of little value, others might rate us much higher. If we get into the habit of thinking negatively about ourselves or comparing ourselves against others, then low self-esteem, or placing little value on ourselves, is the result.
Low self-esteem can be a result of negative life experiences, particularly when we’re young and most vulnerable. These experiences may include being criticised or judged negatively, such as from a parent or school bullies. As adults, abusive relationships and very stressful life events can also cause low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can stay low, because of our own self-critical thoughts, which can be triggered by criticism, or perceived criticism (even if none is intended, we believe we are being criticised).
How Low Self-Esteem Affects us
Low self-esteem affects different areas in our lives. It will play with our emotions making us feel depressed hurt, angry, frustrated, anxious, ashamed, guilty and stressed.
It will affect out thoughts. Negative, self-critical: I’m so stupid, I’m worthless, It’s my fault, I’m a failure, I’m not good enough, I’m incompetent. It will also impact how we think about things like unhelpful thinking styles and distorted thinking for example: Mind Reading, Self-Blame, Internal Critic, Compare & Despair, Shoulds and Musts, Black and White Thinking.
Hand in hand with how self esteem influences our thoughts and emotions it then impacts on how we behave with others and ourselves. People who suffer from low self esteem can behave in some of the following ways.
People pleasing. Trying to please others to feel accepted and worthy this can be very exhausting over time. When criticised they become very defensive more than normal. Under-achieve or work harder to compensate and cover up our incompetence. Act shy or passive around others which can lead on to the person avoiding situations and isolating. They may neglect themselves or start to abuse themselves physically.
The good news is by making changes we can start to make ourselves raise our level of self-esteem but this requires time and action to succeed.
Below are just some of the ways you can start to make changes.
Communicate with others assertively.
Set achievable and realistic goals. When you achieve them, congratulate and treat yourself, and allow others to congratulate yourself.
Accept compliments – say thank you, and smile
Visualise positive change
Look after yourself – eat healthily, exercise, do more things you enjoy doing
Stand, walk and talk confidently
Nature As Therapy and its free!!
Change your image – hair, clothes, make-up
Learn Mindfulness including NOW: mindfulness for busy people
Take up a new hobby or interest
Learn a new skill
Overcome Avoidance
Reward yourself for achievements and successes – however small
Thank others – show your appreciation, and others will appreciate you
Problem Solve
Do things for others – help someone out. It makes us feel better about ourselves. Set limits and agree what you will and won’t do.
Write a compassionate letter to yourself
If you can do something well, let others notice – when they notice your work, so their opinion of you will be raised, which in turn, raises your own self esteem.
Here is a link to a self-esteem quick reference sheet which you may find of use.
https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/media/r3zllrdf/selfesteemqr.pdf
